Andy Hibel 0:00
Welcome to the HigherEdJobs podcast. I'm Andy Hibel, the chief operating officer and one of the co-founders of HigherEdJobs.

Kelly Cherwin 0:08
And I'm Kelly Cherwin, the director of editorial strategy.

Andy HIbel 0:12
Recently, Kelly and I had a shared experience separately that we thought we might like to talk to you all about. My youngest child and Kelly's oldest child went off to college this fall, and within days of each other, we dropped our kids off and we came back home to live in our reconfigured families. When we first started talking about it, I wanted to be a good friend to Kelly. What's going on? How are you doing? But then I realized we can record this and do the same thing. So what we're trying to do today is share our experience as folks who live in higher education, what it's like to actually be a parent of a child and someone who's consuming higher education and seeing it as much as we can, their eyes, but also the eyes of a parent. We dropped our youngest off. It was a drive there and back to a small Midwestern college that sits on a hill. It was an idyllic drop-off. They were so excited to be there and I can report, I think they still are after a few weeks. But thankfully, my wife and I didn't have to drive far because we were staying close after the drop off, and we experienced a lot of emotions the day of drop off, shortly after leaving. Kelly, when you and your husband dropped your oldest off, what was it like?

Kelly Cherwin 1:42
I'm laughing because there's there's so many emotions that go into this. And I must say, Andy, I'm actually glad that we did not have this conversation that day or the next day, because I probably would have been crying. So, yeah, to say that it was emotional is probably an understatement. Funny enough and when we talked about doing this, I remembered that I got an email from the institution that my son is at and they tried to help parents or people who are dropping their kids off with some tips and what to expect and some some words of wisdom. I know we kind of briefly mentioned this when we've talked, randomly, but I feel like, so many people have gone through this and as you said, that people are listening. I'm sure, you know, higher ed professionals are some of them, parents that have experienced this. But I really do appreciate the support group or the people that have already gone through this. And I know this is second drop-off for you, I don't want to say a veteran, because I I don't think it ever gets easy. I don't know how you feel about that.

Andy HIbel 2:54
Finish what you were feeling, and I'll talk about being the second.

Kelly Cherwin 2:58
So I was going to say, I like the fact that I could kind of gain some support and wisdom from friends that went through it maybe last year, or my son went a little bit later than others, in terms of the drop-off timeframe compared to some of his peers. But I think the the best thing I read was: are you ready or can you prepare? And I don't know if you actually are ever ready or if you can truly can prepare, because the biggest way I thought afterwards, as my husband and I were driving away, is that's not exactly how I anticipated or I expected.

I'm looking at this newsletter right now from the institution, from the university. One of the tips was to prepare for a variety of emotions. So, as my husband and I drove away, we had to drive separately, which I'm not sure, looking back, if it was good or bad, because I think we both process things a little bit differently. We had to take two vehicles because he had so much stuff, and I will say a shout-out to the institution for having the drop-off so well-organized and just like a well-oiled machine. And at one point, they're like, We need another cart. So we kept unloading our vehicles. But I drove off and my husband drove off. And yeah, there were tears because that is something that builds up in your head and like I said, I referenced my friends and people who have gone through it, but it, it was different than what I was trying to mentally prepare for, what I was going through. I'll get into a little bit more of my emotions and I'll talk about the newsletter that I receive. But Andy, I want to flip it back to you and see how your drop-off was the first time versus the second time.

Andy HIbel 4:50
I think that's a great question, Kelly, because my oldest, who's a fifth-year senior at a large public Midwestern, compared to this small, teeny, tiny liberal arts college, the drop off for the first year was fall 2020. So there was no drop-off. She took a car to campus. She drove herself, and she left the house. I mean, I remember that well. We stood at the front window waving to her in the middle of a hard lockdown of COVID, just kind of wondering how this was all going to happen.

She spent most of her freshman year taking classes and socializing via Zoom from her dorm room. That was the extent of her freshman year she initiated in her sorority via Zoom. It was such a different experience for us. It was alsom, from a drop-off perspective, equally as different as the freshman year our youngest was having because we did actually drop off. But instead, you're now dropping off from the family that already had somebody who left for college. For me, the school was amazing because it had just an incredible parent orientation and a gentle embrace of the kids. First of all, all drop-offs were done by noon. Everybody was dropped off and moved in. And when we pulled up to the residence hall, there were just two or three dozen students ready to help us move.

The hall did not have an elevator. It's about 150 students, which is a good-sized hall for for the school. By noon, the whole campus was already having lunch. All parents and all kids were eating lunch. In the afternoon, they broke us off into student and parent orientation. And there was even on the agenda a specific time for parents to say goodbye. At the end of the afternoon, they brought us to a giant lawn on campus in front of a gorgeous building and on the steps of that building, the president offered such an inclusive and heartfelt few minutes of remarks as a convocation, as did the provost, talking about her experience of going to the same institution and what she experienced years ago in meeting people when she first moved there, including how she met her husband on campus the first few weeks of being there. Just wonderful. And, at the end of the convocation, they asked you to find your student, and say goodbye. And then you walked off. Although I think everybody was a little teary-eyed, I just felt good about the whole experience and the warm and inclusive embrace of the community towards this freshman class. And as much as we miss our youngest, we were just so happy that they had found a place where they had that experience. And for me, this is a little bit of an idyllic view of what I feel about small, private liberal arts colleges. That's the real hidden magic behind them. In my opinion, they can have that sort of real sense of inclusion. Larger campuses can absolutely be inclusive, but the absolute magic in the air of everybody together all at once in a relatively intimate way, just for whatever sadness we were experiencing that day, it was kind of made up being able to be a part of something like that.

So, Kelly, for me, I don't know if this happened to you, but my professional mind kicked in. Here I am experiencing amazing gratitude and amazing happiness for our youngest. But then am on campus. I love being on campus. My professional mind kicked in and I said, hey, do you know who the resident advisor is, the R.A.? They're like, I think I do. And finally, I saw this person and I said, are you the R.A.? They're like, yeah, they are. Like, what sort of parent question is going to come from this man? I said, oh, you have a great job. And I did my best to just leave it at that. This poor R.A. is dealing with this irrationally exuberant parent just being excited. They're the R.A. And I just desperately want to say you have the best first job ever in higher education.

I cannot tell you how many people I have met who work in higher education, who fell in love with higher education through their R.A. eyes. And it was just so exciting. And then I feel even worse about this. I saw somebody downstairs near the residence hall office managing traffic and I went up and I'm like, hey, are you the resident director? They're like, yeah. I said, oh, thank you for all you do. It's move-in day. I know it's a big day.

I just couldn't help myself because when you see these people and how much they care about the experience that kids have on that day, this is the first day of what they've been spending their whole lives to do and to be able to deliver it that way, it's just such an honor to watch. And it was such a personal pleasure, professional honor.

I did go back and visit between then and drop-off. I have not harassed the R.A. further. I've encouraged our youngest to reach out to the R.A. as a resource. And the R.A. has been a wonderful resource. And for you folks who do that out there, who make those move-in days special like they are, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Because it really does create one of those memories for parents and children alike that really do last a lifetime. So thank you.

Kelly Cherwin 11:49
I will echo that. Thank you. It's funny you ask about if my professional mind kicked in because it definitely did even leading up to it, we get so many emails and I will say again the university was just great about communication. So, from a parent perspective, that was awesome. But from a higher ed perspective, looking at best practices, I wish all institutions were like this and starting that sense of belongingness and community before we even were on this campus. We drove in you know, they had cones showing us where to go and check in. And these eager students came up and checked my son in and told us where to go. And I already mentioned the well-oiled machine in terms of the drop-off and the bins and the kids helping my son took him into the dorm while my husband and I were directed to go to the parking lot. When we were walking up to his dorm, we saw other professionals. I didn't go so far as to ask, are you are you the R.A.? But I could tell he had a role in move-in, and he gave me a big smile, and I just smiled back. When we got in there and we were helping him unpack, the R.A. came and introduced himself to my son. He was taken aback by the situation, everything was so, so new. But it was nice that the R.A. came and introduced himself. So, just having that experience of feeling welcomed and knowing from both a parent's perspective and a higher ed professional's perspective that he is in a good place made that drive home a little bit easier. As you know, and parents who are dropping their kids off can understand this is, you know, one of the most exciting and difficult and emotional and happy times, and like all the possible emotions you could possibly feel. That's what I was experiencing.

So Andy, as I was mentioning that, you know, we had communication from the university before, and they sent out this newsletter with articles and being the director of editorial strategy here, I had to read it. I wanted to hear these best practices and their tips. So let me know if any of these resonated with you. First was There will be tears. Number two is don't expect a last supper. Number three was to leave them a little something underneath their pillow or where it will surprise them. Before you leave, make the goodbye short and sweet, and prepare for a variety of emotions. And lastly, there was self-care once you're back home. So I don't know if any of those resonated with you.

Andy HIbel 14:40
All of those resonated with me really, really well. The one thing I would say that worked well for us was keeping that trip short. Don't stay on campus. We went a little bit a ways from where they are, so we couldn't be called back, maybe an an hour and a half away. Go there, have a nice dinner. Enjoy the evening, the two of you. A longer car ride all the way home probably would have done us in. But just having that little bit of car ride to process initial emotions and then having a nice dinner, getting some rest, getting back on the road the next morning actually, really that self-care part of it is really important. Because this is just the beginning of the first semester. Particularly in those first 6 to 8 weeks, a lot of parents are going to be relied upon for many different things for their students and you have to get your emotional bandwidth refilled to prepare yourself for what's next because they're going through so much growth. They're going through so many exciting and wonderful things. But everything is new to them. Everything that they held true a year ago is completely different. As far as their lives. So self-care did make a big difference for us. But yeah, it's wonderful how institutions communicate with parents nowadays. It's very welcome.

Kelly Cherwin 16:05
Yeah, definitely.

Andy HIbel 16:07
If you have thoughts, comments or anything you'd like to share, if you've just sent off a kid to college and you work in academia, we'd love to hear from you. Maybe we should have some sort of listserv. What could be more academic? That listserv of parents who work in higher ed whose kids just started college. If you have any of those thoughts, comments, or reflections, we'd love to hear them and will possibly share them on the show. So please email us at podcast@higheredjobs.com or send us a direct message on X @higheredcareers. Thank you for listening. Thank you for letting us share a little bit about our own personal lives and how they intersect with our higher ed career paths. And we appreciate you listening.